Hoodwinked

Popcorn Picnic doesn't have a whole lot of readers yet, so this probably wouldn't be noticed by anyone . . . except I'm gonna point it out.

PP is published a couple places on the Web, most prominently at Flak Magazine. I usually give the strip to my editor at Flak, Sean Weitner, one day before I post it on my own site so Flak gets a bit of an exclusive, and I get a bit of an excuse -- to put off whatever Web-construction is necessary until Tuesday. This week's workings were no different. Until halfway through the day today.

Around lunchtime I was hit with the overwhelming urge to change a few things. There'll always be something that bothers me about every single strip after I've clicked SAVE and shut down my computer, but I can usually let sleeping dogs lie. This time poochie needed a kickin'. The pace was off, and the second-to-last line of dialogue sounded forced. I try to write dialogue to fit my characters' personalities, and to fit whatever situation I've stuck 'em in. It doesn't necessarily have to sound like "real life" -- since lots of my strips have almost nothing to do with that -- but it does have to sound like something someone would say if he found himself walking around a Shadoian cartoon landscape.

In the second to last line of my original version, Danny digs at "Hoodwinked" with a sort of reverse negative assessment. No one does that. No one would say, "I hated X because it was this good at something." The implication may be that "this good" is "really bad," but it doesn't have the same zing that plain ol' hatred does. I was trying too hard to make the one word punchline work, but when you hate something you say it's bad, not good. BAD! Therefore, the strip works better with a different second-to-last line, and an entirely cut last line.

Yes, I know. That makes the second-to-last line the last line. Aren't you smart!

Anyway, for those who're interested, here's the original version. Thanks for reading!